SHAWNEE, Kan. - Never should a reasonable person doubt that I love my son unconditionally. Isaiah will undoubtedly bring me some of the greatest joys and also greatest pains of my existence (especially if that "your kid will be 10 times as bad as you were" thing is true). It's a guarantee for which I will hold with a sense of responsibility. My unconditional love for my bambino won't allow me to give up on him when things may get tough. In my work, I encounter kids who don't have the privilege of experiencing that unconditional love.
At some point, someone gave up on a majority of them. I see their behaviors and I know they aren't perfect; but I also wonder what would bring a parent or guardian to the point where they don't recognize the value in their own children. When they reach that point, who will take responsibility for the development of character in their kids?
Giving up on our youth would mean that we're willing to forgo the goodness of our children because of the inconvenient stress of parenting. Personally, I don't want to imagine a week without Eskimo kisses from my 6 year old. My heart smiles when I hear the music of my son's laughter. Hearing him talk to his imaginary friends never fails to make me grin. When I see my son notice another child's needs, I know that my pride in his character shines as brightly as his jovial personality. He is a fantastic child, but I'm not so naive to believe that he's perfect.
That realization also comes with the fact that I'm far from perfect myself. In fact, there have been many times that I want to yell at my child because he's decided that the exact moment I'm trying to take a timed online quiz for school would be the most appropriate time for him to gallop around the living room with his imaginary star wars weapons (blasting the dark side, of course). When it takes him 30 minutes in the morning to put on a t-shirt (and we're running late), I pretty much desire to pull my hair out.
I'll never forget my reaction when I walked into a room to see him cutting up the last birthday card I received from my (now deceased) father. My dad had a cancer that had taken up residency in his brain. He couldn't walk and was hardly able to form sentences; yet he scribbled "Love Dad" in barely legible writing. That card means a lot to me, and when I saw my son attempting to make confetti out of it I felt like I was about to snap.
The only thing that kept me from unleashing an exorcism on my sweet child is that I had to take what I call a "mommy time out" and realize that while the card was important to me, it was far less valuable than my son. While I know I'm a far cry from Mommy Dearest, my son sometimes does things (at the most inconvenient of times) that cause me to question how far I am from reaching that edge.
I'm not proud of those "ugghh" moments where I have to leave the room to cool down before I can decide on an appropriate consequence. However, I know that it is crucial that I handle such situations appropriately.
I understand that if I make a mistake in guiding him now, it can possibly make the future much more difficult for the both of us. It's obvious I'm not a perfect parent, but that doesn't give me a right to approach parenting with a blase attitude.
Unfortunately, there are parents who simply do not care. They have their own illnesses, addictions, or desires to attend to and they have lost focus on their greatest legacy -- their children. Perhaps they never had the focus. I don't know.
What I do know is that these unprepared children are sent out into an unforgiving world where they are taught that it is the exception for them to succeed. This doesn't sit well with me. I see the attitudes and behaviors that result from what the kids are (or aren't) taught.
Their attitudes and behaviors are often (not always, but often) the result of inconsistency. Because of the lack of guidance they received, they develop socially unacceptable ways to survive. To be a teenager and have to fend for yourself because your parents don't want to anymore isn't fair.
The fact that some adolescents know only a conditional love hits me in the heart. Every child deserves to feel safe, protected, and loved. The consequences of not fulfilling those basic needs are hefty. It's up to us, as a community of parents to convey to every child the belief that we expect them to succeed. Their parents gave up on them. We don't have that option because these kids are part of our society.
I don't know how their lives will turn out. Nor am I arrogant enough to say that my son won't get into the kind of trouble these kids have gotten into. However, I know that my child has opportunities to succeed that have never been given to our at risk children. The only reason there is a disparity between the opportunities offered to him and the ones that are presented to the teens is there because as a parent, I cared enough to make them available.
It's time for us to step up to bat for today's youth. We have to be the pinch hitter for the ones who walked out on them. No one doubts that I love my child. Let's not allow the kids who need us most doubt our love for them.
Keep teaching us about the need for villages. I think it's something that Americans need to hear over and over again until it really sinks in.